Humor

Three New Stories

 

Are We Riding a Dead Horse?

The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed on from generation to generation, says that: When you discover that you are riding a dead horse, your best strategy is to dismount.  However, in our government more advanced strategies are often employed, such as:

1. Buying a stronger (and more expensive) whip.

2. Changing riders.

3. Appointing a committee to study the horse.

4. Arranging trips to other countries to see how other cultures ride dead horses.

5. Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included.

6. Reclassifying the dead horse as living-impaired.

7. Hiring outside contractors to ride the dead horse.

8. Harnessing several dead horses together to increase efficiency.

9. Providing additional funding and/or training to increase dead horse’s performance.

10. Doing a productivity study to see if lighter riders would improve the dead horse’s performance.

11. Declaring that as the dead horse does not have to be fed, it is less costly, carries lower overhead and therefore contributes substantially more to the bottom line of the economy than do some live horses.

12. Rewriting the expected performance requirements for all horses.

And of course….

13. Promoting the dead horse to a supervisory position.

If you don’t understand the stupidity in this reasoning, you probably are happy with the way our tax money is being spent….

 

Abbott & Costello on Unemployment Numbers!

COSTELLO: I want to talk about the unemployment rate inAmerica. 

ABBOTT: Good Subject. Terrible Times. It’s almost 9%.  

COSTELLO: That many people are out of work?  

ABBOTT: No, that’s 16%.  

COSTELLO: You just said 9%. 

ABBOTT: 9% Unemployed. 

 COSTELLO: Right 9% out of work. 

ABBOTT: No, that’s 16%.  

COSTELLO: Okay, so it’s 16% unemployed.  

ABBOTT: No, that’s 9%… 

COSTELLO: WAIT A MINUTE. Is it 9% or 16%?  

ABBOTT: 9% are unemployed. 16% are out of work.  

COSTELLO: IF you are out of work you are unemployed.  

ABBOTT: No, you can’t count the “Out of Work” as the unemployed. You have to look for work to be unemployed.  

COSTELLO: BUT THEY ARE OUT OF WORK!!!  

ABBOTT: No, you miss my point.  

COSTELLO: What point?  

ABBOTT: Someone who doesn’t look for work, can’t be counted with those who look for work. It wouldn’t be fair. 

COSTELLO: To who?  

ABBOTT: The unemployed. 

COSTELLO: But they are ALL out of work.  

ABBOTT: No, the unemployed are actively looking for work… Those who are out of work stopped looking. They gave up. And, if you give up, you are no longer in the ranks of the unemployed. 

 COSTELLO: So if you’re off the unemployment roles, that would count as less unemployment?  

ABBOTT: Unemployment would go down. Absolutely!  

COSTELLO: The unemployment just goes down because you don’t look for work?  

ABBOTT: Absolutely it goes down. That’s how you get to 9%. Otherwise, it would be 16%. You don’t want to read about 16% unemployment do ya?  

COSTELLO: That would be frightening.  

ABBOTT: Absolutely.  

COSTELLO: Wait, I got a question for you. That means they’re two ways to bring down the unemployment number?  

ABBOTT: Two ways is correct.  

COSTELLO: Unemployment can go down if someone gets a job?  

ABBOTT: Correct.  

COSTELLO: And unemployment can also go down if you stop looking for a job?  

ABBOTT: Bingo.  

COSTELLO: So there are two ways to bring unemployment down, and the easier of the two is to just stop looking for work. 

ABBOTT: Now you’re thinking like an economist.  

COSTELLO: I don’t even know what the hell I just said!  

And now you know why Obama’s unemployment figures are improving 

 

Over Qualified???

Sally Mullihan of Coral Springs, Florida decided to take one of the jobs that most Americans are not willing to do.  The woman applying for a job in aFlorida lemon grove seemed to be far too qualified for the job. She had a liberal arts degree from the University of  Michiganand had worked as a social worker and school teacher. 

The foreman frowned and said, “I have to ask you, have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?”  “Well, as a matter of fact, I have!   I’ve been divorced three times, owned 2 Chrysler’s and voted for Obama.”

 

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