Jeff Gordon, a Tax Return and a President’s Speech
<<< JEFF GORDON FIRED HIS WHOLE PIT CREW >>>
Jeff Gordon announced today he has fired his entire pit crew. This announcement followed Gordon’s decision to take advantage of Newt Gingrich’s scheme to employ Harlem youngsters. The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent documentary on how unemployed youths from Harlem were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Gordon’s existing crew could only do it in 8 seconds with thousands of dollars’ worth of high tech equipment.
It was thought to be an excellent and bold move by Gordon’s management team, as many races are won or lost in the pits. However, Gordon got more than he bargained for. At the crew’s first practice session, not only was the inexperienced crew able to change all 4 wheels in under 6 seconds, but within 9 seconds they had changed the paint scheme, altered the VIN number, and sold the car to Dale Earnhardt Jr. for 10 cases of Bud, a bag of weed, and some photos of Jeff Gordon’s wife in the shower.
They sent my Tax Return back! AGAIN!
In response to the question: “List all dependents?”
I replied –
“12 million illegal immigrants;
“3 million crack heads;
“42 million unemployable people on food stamps,
“2 million people in over 243 prisons;
“535 fools in the U.S. House and Senate
Apparently, this was NOT an acceptable answer but I believe its correct.
Little Richard’s Wisdom: Gun Control
Barack Obama at a recent rural elementary school assembly in East Texas, asked the audience for total quiet. Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands once every few seconds, holding the audience in total silence. Then he said into the microphone, ‘Children, every time I clap my hands together, a child in America dies from gun violence. ‘Then, little Richard Earl, with a proud East Texas drawl, pierced the quiet and said: “Well, dumbass, stop clapping!”