Hookers Downgrade, The Biker and How Smart Are You?
Hookers Downgrade US Credit Rating Short changing by Secret Service Draws Strong Rebuke
NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) – Days after Secret Service agents shortchanged a group of prostitutes in Colombia, the international trade group representing hookers downgraded the United States’ credit rating from AAA to B. The strong rebuke from the International Alliance of Professional Escorts came after a Secret Service agent reportedly paid one of its members $30 for an $800 service, or only 4% of the stated price.The statement from the International Alliance of Professional Escorts said that in downgrading the United States’ credit rating it was sending a clear message that its “members should be aware that doing business with the government of the United States carries with it a significant risk.” “We are urging our members to avoid conducting transactions with the United States and to focus on more reliable customers, like the International Monetary Fund,” the statement added. Just hours after the announcement from the escorts’ group, the U.S. Congress passed the following resolution blasting the Secret Service for its actions: “We strongly denounce the Secret Service for consorting with prostitutes, which has traditionally been Congress’s role.” But it was not all bad news this week for the Secret Service, which today reported a 5000% jump in enlistment. The agency said that enlistment offices across the country have been packed with prospective agents, including House Speaker Newt Gingrich, who abruptly dropped out of the Presidential race to join.
The Biker, as reported in the mainstream media…
A Harley biker is riding by the zoo in Washington , DC when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion’s cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.
The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain, the lion jumps back, letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly. A reporter has watched the whole event.
The reporter, addressing the Harley rider, says, “Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I’ve seen a man do in my whole life.” The Harley rider replies, “Why, it was nothing, really. The lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt right.”
The reporter says, “Well, I’ll make sure this won’t go unnoticed. I’m a journalist, you know, and tomorrow’s paper will have this story on the front page. So, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?” The biker replies, “I’m a U.S. Marine and a Republican.” The journalist leaves.
The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on the front page: ” U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH ! ”
…and THAT pretty much sums up the media’s approach to the news these days.
How Smart Are You?
See if you can figure out what these seven words all have in common?
Are you picking or have you already given up? Give it another try….Look at each word carefully. You’ll kick yourself when you discover the answer…. No, it is not that they all have at least 2 double letters…. The answer is below!
In all of the words listed, if you take the first letter, place it at the end of the word, and then spell the word backwards, it will be the same word. Did you figure it out?
No? Then send this to more people and stump them as well. Then, you’ll feel better too.