Humor

Divorce, The Lone Ranger & Leader Qualifications

<<<Before we get to the divorce, read this.>>>

This has to be one of the best singles ads ever printed. It is reported to have been listed in the Atlanta Journal.

SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I’m a very good girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire.Candlelight  dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I’ll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me.  Call (404) 875-6420 and ask for Annie, I’ll be waiting…..

Over 150 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society.

 

<<<GOOD LETTER>>>

 My Dear husband:

I’m writing this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you.

I’ve been a good wife to you for the last 20 years & I have nothing to show for it, and the last 2 weeks have been hell.  Your boss called to tell me that you left your job today which was the last straw.

Last week, you came home & you didn’t even notice I had a new hairstyle, had cooked your favorite meal  & even wore a brand new nightie.  You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching your TV soaps.  You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife.  Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone.

Your EX-Wife.

PS:  Don’t try to find me. Your BROTHER & I are moving to New Zealand together! Have a great life!


<<<BETTER REPLY?>>>

Dear Ex-wife,

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.  It’s true you & I have been married for 20 years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you’ve been.  I watch TV soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & bitching.  Too bad that doesn’t work any more.  I DID notice when you got a hair do last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a boy!’  Since my father raised me not to say anything, if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment.  And when you cooked my favourite meal, you must have got me confused with MY BROTHER because I haven’t eaten prawns for 7 years.  About the new nightie: I turned away from you because the $299.99 price tag was still on it, and I prayed it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed $300 from me that morning.  After all of this, I still loved you and felt we could work it out.  So when I won the $20 million Lotto, on Saturday,  I left my job & bought 2 tickets for us to Paris , but when I got home you were gone.  Everything happens for a reason, I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted.  My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dollar from me.  So take care.

Signed,
Your Ex-Husband, Rich As Hell & Free!

PS: I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my brother Carl was born Carla.  I hope that’s not a problem.

 

 

The Lone Ranger and Tonto

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.  Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, ‘Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see? ‘

The Lone Ranger replies, ‘I see millions of stars.  ‘What that tell you?’ asked Tonto.

The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, ‘Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.  Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.   Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning.  Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.   Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

What does it tell you, Tonto?’  ‘You dumber than buffalo dung. It means someone stole the tent!’

 

 

North Korea vs. USA Nuclear Power!

I am really concerned about North Korea’s appointment of Kim Jung Un to be the new leader of North Korea– a nuclear power!  Kim Jung Un had NO military experience whatsoever before Daddy made him a four-star general in the military. This is a snot-nose twerp who has never accomplished anything in his life that would even come close to military leadership: he hasn’t even so much as led a Cub Scout troop, coached a sports team or commanded a military platoon. So guess what—next they make him the “beloved leader” of the country. Terrific!

Oh, crap! I’m sorry. I just remembered that we did the same thing here in the USA. We took an arrogant community organizer who has never worn a uniform and made him Commander-in-Chief; a guy who has never had a real job, worked on a budget or led anything more than an ACORN demonstration, and made him the leader of this country.

I’m sorry I brought this up. Never mind.

 

 

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