Humor

Great insight with three new posts….

 

BEER !

(Edited by Brookingstea staff.)

 A handful of 7 year old children were asked, ‘what they thought of beer.’

 7-year-old Tim – ‘I think beer must be good. My dad says the more beer he drinks the prettier my mom gets.’

7-year-old Melanie – ‘Beer makes my dad sleepy and we get to watch what we want on television when he is asleep, so beer is nice.’

7-year-old Toby – ‘My Mom and Dad talk funny when they drink beer and the more they drink the more they give kisses to each other, which is a good thing.’

7-year-old Lilly – ‘My Dad loves beer. The more he drinks, the better he dances. One time he danced right into the pool.’

7-year-old Ethan – ‘I don’t like beer very much. Every time Dad drinks it, he burns the sausages on the barbecue and they taste disgusting.’

7-year-old Shirley – ‘I give Dad’s beer to the dog and he goes to sleep.’

7-year-old Brittney – I don’t like beer, but mom says it helps you get the guys you want, so I’ll have to learn to like it.

7-year-old Brad – Beer tastes disgusting. My brother told me it makes you think the girls are pretty.

 

 

LIVING WILL FORM

I, ____________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead partisan politicians who couldn’t pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it, or lawyers/doctors/hospitals interested in simply running up the bills.

If after a reasonable amount of time passes, and I fail to ask for: (Check appropriate items):

a bloody mary ______,

a beer ______,

a gin and tonic _______,

a glass of chardonnay ______,

a steak ______,

the TV remote control ______,

a bowl of ice cream ______,

the sports page______,

sex______,

or chocolate_______,

it should be presumed that I won’t ever get any better. When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes, and call it a day. At this point, it is time to call the New Orleans Jazz Funeral Band to come and do their thing at my funeral, and ask all of my friends to raise their glasses to toast the good times we have had or should’ve had.

Signature:________________________Date:__________

P.S.  I hear that in Ireland there is a Nursing Home with a Pub. The patients are happier, and they have a lot more visitors. Some of them don’t even need embalming when their time comes.  If anyone knows the name of this happy place, PLEASE pass it on.

Amendment #1:
Should I become incapacitated as described above, DO NOT PULL THE PLUG until after I have voted against Barack Obama by absentee ballot in the November 2012 election.

Amendment #2:
If the plug has been pulled in violation of #1 above, transport my body to Chicago so I can still vote–probably multiple times–against Barack Obama.

 

SIGN IN AN INDIANA STORE FRONT WINDOW

‘WE WOULD RATHER DO BUSINESS WITH PRESIDENT OBAMA, NANCY PELOSI, HARRY REID, AND ALL THE ELITES OF CONGRESS, THE MASS MEDIA, AND  HOLLYWOOD, THAN WITH ONE CONSERVATIVE AMERICAN!’

This sign was prominently displayed in the window of a business in Whiting, Indiana. You are probably outraged at the thought of such an inflammatory statement.  However, we are a society which holds freedom of Speech as perhaps our greatest liberty. And after all, it is just a sign.

 Question: What kind of business would dare post such sign.

Answer:   Owen’s Funeral Home

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