Humor

Education over time…

 

<<< Evolution in teaching math since the 1950s >>>

 

Last week I purchased a burger at Burger King for $2.58.  The counter girl took my $3 and while digging for my change I pulled 8 cents from my pocket and gave it to her.  She stood there, holding the nickel and 3 pennies, while looking at the screen on her register.  I sensed her discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters, but she instead hailed the manager for help.  While he tried to explain the transaction to her, she stood there and cried.  Why do I tell you this?  Because of the evolution in teaching math since the 1950s:

1. Teaching Math in the 1950’s

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100.  His cost of production is 4/5 of the price.  What’s his profit?

2. Teaching Math in the 1960’s

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100.  His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80.  What’s his profit?

3. Teaching Math in the 1970’s

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100.  His cost of production is $80.  Did he make a  profit?

4. Teaching Math in the 1980’s

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100.  His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20.  Your assignment:  Underline the number 20.

5. Teaching Math in the 1990’s

A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he’s selfish, inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands.  He does this so he can make a profit of $20.  What do you think of this way of making a living?  Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes?  (There are no wrong answers and if you feel like crying it’s okay.)

6. Teaching Math in 2009

Un hachero vende una carretada de maderapara $100.  El costo de la producciones es $80. Cuanto dinero ha hecho?

7. Teaching Math in 2013

Who cares?  Just steal the lumber from your rich neighbor’s property.  He won’t have a gun to stop you.  The President says it’s OK anyway because it’s redistributing the wealth.

 

Why Teachers Drink

The following questions were in past GED examinations.  These are actual answers (from 16-year-olds)… and they WILL breed & VOTE.

Q. Name the four seasons.
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q. How is dew formed?
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans?
A. The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the Moon, because there is no water on the Moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the Sun joins the fight.

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A. If you are buying a house, they will insist that you are well endowed.

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

Q. What are steroids?
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs. (Shoot yourself now, there is little hope.)

Q. What happens to your body as you age?
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A. Premature death.

Q. What is artificial insemination?
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour?
A. Keep it in the cow. (Simple but brilliant)

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorized (e.g., the abdomen)?
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I,O,U. (Up all night smoking weed.)

Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie.

Q. What does “varicose” mean?
A. Nearby.

Q. What is the most common form of birth control?
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium. (That would work.)

Q. Give the meaning of the term “Caesarean section.”
A. The Caesarean section is a district in Rome.

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit.)

Q. What is a terminal illness?
A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)

Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas.

Q. Use the word “judicious” in a sentence to show you understand its meaning.
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. (OMG)

Q. What does the word “benign” mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight. (Brilliant)

Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head.

 

 

Illinois vs Wisconsin: a tale of two governments

 

The Governor of Illinois is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks the Governor’s dog, then bites the Governor.

The Governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie “Bambi” and then realizes he should stop because the coyote is only doing what is natural. He calls animal control.. Animal Control captures the coyote and bills the State $200 testing it for diseases and $500 for relocating it.

He calls a veterinarian. The vet collects the dead dog and bills the State $200 testing it for diseases.  The Governor goes to hospital and spends $3,500 getting checked for diseases from the coyote and on getting his bite wound bandaged.

The running trail gets shut down for 6 months while Fish & Game conducts a $100,000 survey to make sure the area is now free of dangerous animals. The Governor spends $50,000 in state funds implementing a “coyote awareness program” for residents of the area. The State Legislature spends $2 million to study how to better treat rabies and how to permanently eradicate the disease throughout the world.

The Governor’s security agent is fired for not stopping the attack. The State spends $150,000 to hire and train a new agent with additional special training re: the nature of coyotes. PETA protests the coyote’s relocation and files a $5 million suit against the State.

The Governor of Wisconsin is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A Coyote jumps out and attacks the dog.

The Governor shoots the coyote with his concealed carry pistol and keeps jogging. The Governor has spent $0.50 on a .45 ACP hollow point cartridge.  The Crows eat the dead coyote.

And that, my friends, is one reason why Illinois is broke and Wisconsin is not.

 

 

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