Humor

Talk, Exercise & Stimulate

 

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Wife texts husband on a cold winter’s morning: “Windows frozen, won’t open.”

Husband texts back: “Gently pour some lukewarm water over it.”

Wife texts back 5 minutes later: “Computer really screwed up now.”

 

Is Exercise Good for You?

As I was lying in bed pondering the problems of the world, I rapidly realized that I don’t really give a rat’s. It’s the tortoise life for me!

1. If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.

2. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, and is fat.

3. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 8 months.

4. A tortoise doesn’t run and does nothing, yet it lives for 450 years.

And you tell me to exercise?? I don’t think so. I’m retired. Go around me.

 

Government Stimulus Plans…

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House.

One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Montana. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence.

The Montana contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. “Well,” he says, “I figure the job will run about $900. That’s $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me.”

The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, “I can do this job for $700. That’s $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me.”

The Chicago contractor doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, “$2,700.”

The official, incredulous, says, “You didn’t even measure like the other guys.  How did you come up with such a high figure?”  The Chicago contractor whispers back, “$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence.”  “Done!” replies the government official.

And that, my friends, is how the Government Stimulus plans work.

 

 

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