Humor

Medicare, Perks of Getting Older & More

 

Medicare Part G

You’re a sick senior citizen and the government says there is no nursing home care available for you. So what do you do?
Our plan gives anyone 65 years, or older, a gun  and 4 bullets. You are allowed to shoot four Politicians.  Of course, this means you’ll be sent to prison, where you will receive three meals a day, a roof over your head, central heating and air conditioning and all the health care you need.

Need new teeth? No problem. Need glasses? That’s great. Need a new hip, knees, kidney, lungs or heart? They’re all covered.  As an added bonus, your kids can come and visit you at least as often as they do now.

And who will be paying for all of this?  The same government that just told you they can’t afford for you to go into a home.

And, you can get rid of 4 useless politicians while you’re at it.

Plus, because you are a prisoner, you don’t have to pay any income taxes anymore.

Is this a great country or what?

 

Perks of reaching 50 or being over 60 and heading towards 70 and beyond!

 

1 – Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

2 – In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

3 – No one expects you to run anywhere.

4 – People call at 9 PM (or 9 AM) and ask, ‘Did I wake you?’

5 – People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

6 – There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

7 – Things you buy now won’t wear out.

8 – You can eat supper at 4 PM.

9 – You can live without sex, but not your glasses.

10 – You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

11 – You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

12 – You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

13 – You sing along with elevator music.

14 – Your eyes won’t get much worse.

15 – Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

16 – Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National Weather Service.

17 – Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.

18 – Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.

Reverse Immigration…

Dear President Obama:

I’m planning to move my family and extended family into Mexico for my health, and I would like to ask you to assist me.  We’re planning to simply walk across the border from the U.S. into Mexico, and we’ll need your help to make a few arrangements:  We plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration quotas and laws.  I’m sure they handle those things the same way you do here. So, would you mind telling your buddy, the Mexican President that I’m on my way over?

Please let him know that I will be expecting the following:

1. Free medical care for my entire family.
2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need, whether I use them or not.
3. Please print all Mexican Government forms in English.
4. I want my grandkids to be taught Spanish by English- speaking (bi-lingual) teachers.
5. Tell their schools they need to include classes on American culture and history.
6. I want my grandkids to see the American flag on one of the flag poles at their school.
7. Please plan to feed my grandkids at school for both breakfast and lunch.
8. I will need a local Mexican driver’s license so I can get easy access to government services.
9. I do plan to get a car and drive in Mexico , but I don’t plan to purchase car insurance, and I probably won’t make any special effort to learn local traffic laws.
10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the memo from their president to leave me alone, please be sure that every patrol car has at least one English-speaking officer.
11. I plan to fly the U.S. flag from my housetop, put U.S. flag decals on my car, and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I do not want any complaints or negative comments from the locals.
12. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes, or have any labor or tax laws enforced on any business I may start.
13. Please have the president tell all the Mexican people to be extremely nice and never say critical things about me or my family, or about the strain we might place on their economy.
14. I want to receive free food stamps.
15. Naturally, I’ll expect free rent subsidies.
16. I’ll need income tax credits so that although I don’t pay Mexican taxes, I’ll receive money from the government.
17. Please arrange it so that the Mexican Government pays $4,500.00 to help me buy a new car.
18. Oh yes, I almost forgot, please enroll me free into the Mexican Social Security program so that I’ll get a monthly income in retirement.

I know this is an easy request because you already do all these things for all his people who walk over to the U.S. from Mexico.  I am sure that President Enrique won’t mind returning the favor if you ask him nicely.

Thank you so much for your kind help.

 

Sincerely,

John American

 

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