Humor

Stories for October

 

<<< A Muslim in Montana >>>

Three strangers strike up a conversation in the passenger lounge in the Bozeman, Montana airport while waiting for their respective flights.  One is an American Indian passing through from Lame Deer, another is a Cowboy on his way to Billings for a livestock show, and the third is a fundamentalist Arab student, newly arrived at Montana State University from the Middle East.

Their discussion drifts to their diverse cultures. Soon, the two Westerners learn that the Arab is a devout, radical Muslim, and the conversation falls into an uneasy lull.  The cowboy leans back in his chair, crosses his boots on a magazine table, tips his big sweat-stained hat forward over his face, and lights a cigarette.  Finally, the American Indian clears his throat and softly he speaks, ‘At one time here…my people were many… but sadly, now we are few.’

The Muslim student raises an eyebrow and leans forward, ‘Once my people were few,’ he sneers, ‘and now we are many. Why do you suppose that is?’

The cowboy removes his cigarette from his mouth, and from the darkness beneath his Stetson says in a smooth drawl says ‘I reckon that’s ’cause we ain’t played Cowboys and Muslims yet, but I do believe, it’s a-comin’.

 

Old Blue

A young cowboy from Wyoming goes off to college. Half way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered all his money. He calls home.  “Dad,” he says, “You won’t believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here in Laramie that will teach our dog, Ole Blue how to talk!”

“That’s amazing,” his dad says. “How do I get Ole Blue in that program?”  The young cowboy says, “Just send him down here with $1,000 and I’ll get him in the course.”   So, his father sends the dog and $1,000.

About two-thirds of the way through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home.  “So how’s Ole Blue doing son?” his father asks.  “Awesome, Dad; he’s talking up a storm,” he says. “But you just won’t believe this—they’ve had such good results that they’ve started to teach the animals how to read!”

“Read!” says his father. “No kidding? How do we get Blue in that program?”  “Just send $2,500 and I’ll get him in the class.” The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk nor read. So he shoots the dog.

When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited. “Where’s Ole Blue? I just can’t wait to see him read something and talk!”  “Dad,” the boy says, “I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ole Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, “So, is your daddy still messing around with that little redhead who lives down the street?”

The father exclaimed, “I hope you shot that worthless hound before he talks to your Mother!”  “I sure did, Dad!”  “That’s my boy!”

The kid went on to law school, and now serves in Washington D.C. as a Congressman.

President Obama’s Accomplishments

Quit trashing Obama’s accomplishments. He has done more than any other president before him. He has an impressive list of accomplishments:

First president to apply for college aid as a foreign student, then deny he was a foreigner.

First president to have a social security number belonging to another man, from a state he has never lived in.

First president to preside over a cut to the credit-rating of the United States.

First president to be held in contempt of court for illegally obstructing oil drilling in the Gulf of Mexico.

First president to require all Americans to purchase a product from a third party.

First president to spend a trillion dollars on “shovel-ready” jobs when there was no such thing as “shovel-ready” jobs.

First president to abrogate bankruptcy law to turn over control of companies to his union supporters.

First president to by-pass Congress and implement the Dream Act through executive fiat.

First president to order a secret amnesty program that stopped the deportation of illegal immigrants across the U.S. including those with criminal convictions.

First president to demand a company hand-over $20 billion to one of his political appointees.

First president to tell a CEO of a major corporation (Chrysler) to resign.

First president to terminate America’s ability to put a man in space.

First president to cancel the National Day of Prayer and to say that America is no longer a Christian nation.

First president to have a law signed by an auto-pen without being present.

First president to arbitrarily declare an existing law unconstitutional and refuse to enforce it.

First president to threaten insurance companies if they publicly spoke out on the reasons for their rate increases.

First president to tell a major manufacturing company in which state it is allowed to locate a factory.

First president to file lawsuits against the states he swore an oath to protect (AZ, WI, OH, IN).

First president to withdraw an existing coal permit that had been properly issued years ago.

First president to actively try to bankrupt an American industry (coal).

First president to fire an inspector general of AmeriCorps for catching one of his friends in a corruption case.

First president to appoint 45 czars to replace elected officials in his office.

First president to surround himself with radical left wing anarchists.

First president to golf 73 separate times in his first two and a half years in office, 102 to date.

First president to hide his medical, educational and travel records.

First president to win a Nobel Peace Prize for doing NOTHING to earn it.

First President to go on multiple “global apology tours” and concurrent “insult our friends” tours.

First president to go on 17 lavish vacations, including date nights and Wednesday evening White House parties for his friends paid for by the taxpayers.

First president to keep a dog trainer on retainer for $102,000 a year at taxpayer expense.

First president to repeat the Holy Quran & tell us the early morning call of the Azan (Islamic call to worship) is the most beautiful sound on earth.

First president to tell the military men and women that they should pay for their own private insurance because they “volunteered to go to war and knew the consequences.”

First president to tell the members of the military that THEY were UNPATRIOTIC for balking at the last suggestion.

First president to side with a foreign nation over one of the American 50 states (Mexico vs. Arizona).

…..So, how is Obama’s “hope and change” working out for you now?

 

Traffic Camera…

I was driving when I saw the flash of a traffic camera. I figured that my picture had been taken for exceeding the limit even though I knew that I was not speeding. Just to be sure, I went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed.

Now I began to think that this was quite funny, so I drove even slower as I passed the area once more, but the traffic camera again flashed. I tried a fourth and fifth time with the same results and was now laughing as the camera flashed while I rolled past at a snail’s pace. Two weeks later, I got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt.

 

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