Humor

Banned from Target & The Obamacar

 

<<< Couple Banned from Target Store >>>

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women – she loves to browse.  Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:

Dear Mrs. Harris,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, ‘Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away’. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don’t have a Code 3.

August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

August 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.

August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he’d invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’ EMTs were called.

September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ‘Mission Impossible’ theme.

October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his ‘Madonna look’ using different sizes of funnels.

October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!’

October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed ‘OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!’

Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room?

And last, but not least:

October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, ‘Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here.’ One of the clerks passed out.


ACA2 or Obamacar coming to a dealership near you!

The Administration will be rolling out ACA2 shortly. This will be known as the Affordable Car Act (or Obamacar). A government official (navigator) will accompany you to one of three or four car dealerships who have agreed to… participate in ACA2 and, though the “navigator” may be a felon and know nothing about cars, the navigator will tell you exactly what car it is you need…with a few hundred regulations with which you must comply…after you give him/her all of your most personal information.

NO WORRIES THOUGH…IF YOU LIKE YOUR CAR, YOU CAN KEEP YOUR CAR.  PERIOD, (except if the manufacturer has made any changes to your model since March of 2010 or the manufacturer has opted not to participate in ACA2).  Some other provisions are (1) you must buy a navigation system even if you don’t leave the driveway (2) you must pay for the automatic garage door opener feature even if you have no garage (3) you must purchase chains for your tires, regardless of whether your state has had snow since the Ice Age (4) you must purchase at least two child restraint seats even if you haven’t had a kid in your car since 1988 and (5) even if you don’t have a driver’s license and don’t need a car, you must have one anyway!

While the cars may cost significantly more, the Government wants you to have a better car than the crappy car you are driving now. And, if you can’t afford the new car, the government will have people who can afford more than one car pay for yours through what they will call subsidies. It may take you a year or two to receive your new car since fewer car dealerships are participating in ACA2. But, you will thank the Government in the end because the Government knows best what kind of car you need. To learn more about ACA2 and sign up during the open enrollment period, go to www.thiswebsitedoesntwork.com

 

 

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