Humor

Dad’s Will, The Lone Ranger and Inner Peace

 

<<< Dad’s Will   >>>

A man was telling his buddy  “You won’t believe what happened last night.  My daughter walked into the living room and said, “Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, forget my college tuition loan, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out the window, take my TV and my laptop.

Please take any of my jewelry to the Salvation Army.  Then, sell my car, take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the house. Then, disown me and never talk to me again.  Don’t forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to any charity you choose.”

“Holy Smokes,” replied the friend, “she actually said that?”  “Well, she didn’t put it quite like that. She actually said, ‘Dad, meet my new boyfriend, Mohammed.  We’re going to work together on Hillary’s election campaign!'”

 

 

 The Lone Ranger:  Not so smart.

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound  asleep.  Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, ‘Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?

‘The Lone Ranger replies, ‘I see millions of stars.’  ‘What that tell you?’ asked Tonto.

The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, ‘Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.  Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.  Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning.  Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.  What’s it tell you, Tonto?’

“You dumber than Obama voter.  It mean someone stole tent.”

 

How to achieve inner peace.

I am passing this on to you because it definitely works, and we could all use a little more calmness in our lives.  By following simple advice heard on the Dr. Phil show, you too can find inner peace. Dr Phil proclaimed, “The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started and have never finished.”

So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn’t finished, and before leaving the house this morning. I finished off a bottle of White Zinfandel, a bottle of Bailey’s Irish Cream, a package of Oreos, the remainder of my old Prozac prescription, the rest of the cheesecake, some Doritos, and a box of chocolates, and a half bottle of scotch.

You have no idea how freaking good I feel right now. Do pass this on to those whom you think might be in need of inner peace.

 

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