Humor

Photographer in a Hurry & Trooper Humor

 

Wrong Flight?

His request approved, the CNN News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight.

He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.  Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger. He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, “Let’s go”.

The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.  Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, “Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.”

“Why?” asked the pilot. “Because I’m a photographer for CNN” , he responded, “and I need to get some close up shots.”  The pilot was strangely silent for a moment. Finally he stammered, “So, what you’re telling me, is . . . You’re NOT my flight instructor?”

 

Comments made by South Carolina Troopers that were taken off their car videos:

  1. “You know, stop lights don’t come any redder than the one you just went through.”
  2. “Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch after you wear them a while.”
  3. “If you take your hands off the car, I’ll make your birth certificate a worthless document.”
  4. “If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.”
  5. “Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second?  Because that’s the speed of the bullet that’ll be chasing you.”
  6. “You don’t know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket,  huh?”
  7. “Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don’t think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I’m the shift supervisor?”
  8. “Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I’m warning you not to do that again, or I’ll give you another ticket.”
  9. “The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?”
  10. “Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and corn dogs and step in monkey poop.”
  11. “Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets, and my wife gets a toaster oven.”
  12. “In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC.”(National Crime Information Center)
  13. “Just how big were those ‘two beers’ you say you had?”
  14. “No, sir, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we can.”
  15. “I’m glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So, you know someone who can post your bail.”

AND THE WINNER IS….

  1. “You didn’t think we give pretty women tickets?  You’re right, we don’t. Sign here.”

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