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Church Bulletins & Medicare Part G

 

Church Ladies with Typewriters: Mistakes in Church Bulletins

 

  • The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
  •  Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.  Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
  •  The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water‘. The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus’.
  •  Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale.  It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house.  Bring your husbands.
  •  Don’t let worry kill you off. Let the Church help.
  •  Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I will not pass this way again,’ giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
  •  For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
  •  Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir.  They need all the help they can get.
  •  Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
  •  At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be ‘What Is Hell’?  Come early and listen to our choir practice.
  •  Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
  •  Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
  •  The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
  •  Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM; prayer and medication to follow.
  •  The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind.  They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
  •  This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church.  Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
  •  The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
  •  Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM.  Please use the back door.
  •  The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM.  The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
  •  Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.  Please use large double door at the side entrance.

 

Senior Citizens Safety Net: Medicare, Part G

 Say you’re a sick senior citizen and the government says there is no Nursing Home care available for you.  So, what do you do? Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older, a gun (Part G), and four bullets.  You are allowed to shoot four politicians. This means, of course, that you’ll be sent to prison where you’ll receive three meals a day, a roof over your head, central heating & air conditioning, cable TV, library, and all the Health Care you need. Need new teeth?  No problem.  Need glasses?  That’s great.  Need a hearing aid, new hip, knees, kidney, lungs, sex change, or heart? They’re all covered.  As an added bonus, your kids can come and visit you at least as often as they do now.

And, who will be paying for all of this?  The same government that just told you they can’t afford for you to go into a home. And, you can get rid of 4 useless politicians while you’re at it. And now, because you’re a prisoner, you don’t have to pay any more income taxes. Is this a great country or what?

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