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Fractured News Headlines & Be Safe, Fly the ISIS Flag

Somebody Was Asleep at the Editor’s Desk

Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
This one took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible! They put in a correction the next day.

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
Really?

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that’s taking things a bit far.

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!

Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-good-for-nothing’ lazy so-and-so’s.

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial

War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect

If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Ya think?

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought?

Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

You mean there’s something stronger than duct tape?

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge.

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren’t they fat enough?

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
That’s what he gets for eating those beans.

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

Boy, are they tall!

And the winner is….
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Did I read that right?

 

 

An Unconventional Way to Be Protected!

I took down my Rebel flag (which you can’t buy on E-bay any more) and peeled the NRA sticker off the front door. I disconnected my home alarm system and quit the useless Neighborhood Watch.  I bought two Pakistani flags and put one at each corner of the front yard.

Then I purchased the black flag of ISIS (which you can buy on E-bay) and ran it up the flag pole. Now, the local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching my house 24/7.  I’ve NEVER felt safer and saving $69.95 a month ADT used to charge me.  Plus, I bought burkas for my family when we shop or travel.  Everyone moves out of the way and security can’t pat us down.  WOW!  Safe at last.

Ain’t America great or what ???

 

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